I always dreamed of being a singer and dancer, but never had the support of any family member, specially not from my mother. I was about 13 years old when she took me out of dancing lessons to prepare myself to go to a public technical school only genius kids went to.
I had the test and passed in first place. The first semester was ok but in the second semester my mood started to change, get more and more negative and my colleagues noticed it too. But only many years later I was diagnosed with dysthymia. Still I finished high school and went to the university with no problem. I had chronic depression but was a functional person. And we all know how people see teenagers. For everybody I was just a rebellious teen.
I would have to make this post a big journal if I wanted to tell all the details, so I will just go to the point telling when and how everything changed for real.
In 2004 I started to feel nauseated a lot, but I was in the university, university choir, having singing lessons and music theory lessons, so I was very happy, but I think I was doing too much taking six to seven buses a day so I went to the doctor, did the exam and he found nothing abnormal so he told me it could be stress.
I went with that for many years, every time I had a stressful moment in my life I would feel nauseated and throw up but it was just the stress. Until one day I decided to go to the doctor, did the exam and I had already a hemorrhagic gastritis. Many doctors told me to try not to throw up not to make the bleeding worse.
So after trying many medications for nausea I found by accident that xanax actually stopped my nausea and I spent two years taking it on a daily basis. No doctor that prescribed it to me ever told me I could get addicted or have any problems with this medication.
Then 2 years later out of the blue my mother made me stop taking it abruptly, I knew it was dangerous but didn't know how dangerous it actually was to stop taking this medication "cold turkey"... now I do. I had four anxiety attacks and after that started to suffer from GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). And now I am not a functioning person anymore.
Bit by bit I am getting treatment with antidepressants, therapy and integrative therapy (reiki, cristals, celular regeneration and so on), lowering the dosage of the black stripe meds slowly.
I have no family support to fight this disorder, they still like to think I just need to get a job and the miracle of healing will happen and unfortunately mental disorders are invisible illnesses, they can't really know what I'm going through.
What about me? I'm praying that some day I will be able to beat this disorder and have a "normal" life again.
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